As we enjoy the season of Christmas and prepare for it’s ultimate meaning, I have been wandering the internet considering other distinct holiday traditions that are not part of the American Yuletide season. Traditions like the Portugese Christmas morning meal with places set for dead relatives definitely caught my eye.The lines of Japanese trying to get into KFC for a traditional Christmas Chicken dinner entertained me (and reminded me of the power of advertising). And the Catalonian tradition of the “Caganer” statue found hidden away in Spanish and Italian Bethlehem scenes showing a man secretly relieving himself left me completely puzzled.

However, the Christmas season tradition that I couldn’t get off my mind was the “Krumpus” or “Krampas” from the Alpine countries of Austria, Germany and Switzerland.

In the good old U.S.A. kids are put on a “naughty” or “nice” list, resulting in sweet gifts or a lump of coal in their stocking. But in Germanic countries, an unruly or petulant child receives a holiday beating from a boozy, ill-tempered 7 ft goat man – the Krumpus.

Now, the Krumpus show up on the eve of Dec. 5th, swat the kids good and warn them they only have
3 weeks to shape up or instead of gifts they’ll receive a real beat down on Dec. 25th.

How did these guys ever get reduced to a lump of coal in America?

The only answer I could come up with: Liberals.

I’ve been giving the health care debacle considerable thought. President Obama’s call for reform will be devastating to our fragile economy – the Republican alternative is non-existent. With those sad options at hand I have reached the following conclusions:

* The Democrats want to throw money at the problem thinking they will do a good deed and lock up the White House and Congress for years to come

* The Republicans see the danger of growing deficits, but are so in the pocket of Insurance companies, Pharmaceutical companies and Mega Hospital chains that they are scared to reform for losing campaign dollars, clout and their big business political paradigm

* Nobody in the private sector is going to budge. They want to “get theirs” and titillate Wall Street with great revenue numbers

* Socialized health care has been “demonized” to the point that it cannot be considered objectively and tossed out for rational reasons

* Private health insurance will slowly fade away from increasing costs until employees opt out because they can no longer afford the premiums through their employer

* All of the above will result in one in three Americans without health care by 2020

So, I’ve decided to propose my own health care reform. This may seem a brutal plan, but someone has to put forward an easy to understand program that will reduce costs, improve health and put the burden on the right shoulders. Here goes:

* The Fast Food Industry will give back 10% of all profits to subsidize health costs for heart attacks and other cardiovascular emergency procedures

* The Tobacco Industry will give back 10% of all profits to subsidize health costs for lung cancer, emphysema and other emergencies caused by their products

* The Alcohol industry will give back 10% of all profits to subsidize health costs for liver, kidney and other emergency procedures caused by their products

* Makers of Candies, Cookies, Ice Cream and other sugary treats will give back 10% of their profits to subsidize health costs for dental and diabetic procedures resulting from their products

* The entertainment industry will give back 10% of all profits to subsidize health costs for mental and emotional therapy.

* A 10% tax will be levied on all of the above industries. These monies will be used to fund medicaid. Now, the list above is not comprehensive. We can easily add other addictive products that have a negative impact on weak-willed people. The second phase of my health care reform has to do with the existing private industry. My reforms are as follows:

* Health care Insurance for an individual of family will be provided at a cost of 10% of the the final taxable income number on a single or joint federal tax return. Dependents will be covered under this cost until they reach 18 years of age. After that age, they will receive their own coverage based on the 10% rule. If they are a college student, they may purchase coverage by semester as is currently available privately. So, if you make 50,000 dollars, your health care cost is $5,000 – if you make, $300,000 dollars, your health care cost is $30,000.

* Private Businesses and Corporations will contribute 10% of their gross annual earnings to cover the permanently hospitalized, handicapped and unemployed. The poor and elderly will be serviced under medicare and medicaid.

* Health care insurance companies, Pharmaceutical Companies, Doctors and Hospitals will give back 10% of their profits annually to fund medicare and medicaid

* A complete listing of charges for procedures will be published by every doctor, clinic and hospital and made available for all potential patients to see. This will allow competitive shopping for medical care instead of just accepting the inevitable in costs.

* Doctors, clinics and hospitals will be given an annual rating based on service and costs, much like restaurants. After all, who wants to go to a 78% rated medical facility when a 98% is 15 minutes further away.

* Health Insurers may no longer force the insured to jump through hoop after hoop and reject claims just to wear down consumers and net more revenue when the insured gives up and just pays the bill. Claims will be paid. If there is disagreement it will be settled between the medical provider and the insurer, not by grinding down the patient.

* Everyone who works in government (including the President and Congress) will function under the same guidelines and health care. The only exception being our U.S. Military who will receive free health care for themselves and immediate family during their term of service. After they leave the service, they will enter the normal 10% health care culture.

* The government’s role in health care will be solely to enforce these reform rules and guidelines and continue the management of medicare and medicaid, with the taxes provided by the health care industry lock boxed for this purpose alone.

O.K., folks, there you have it. The 10% Health Care Reform Plan. No political play, no lobbyists, no socialized medicine, no skyrocketing costs. An honest program that covers all and allows profit without government interference with a little help from everyone involved.

Give me your thoughts, criticism and advice. Just don’t play politcal favorites.

No American Could EVER Bear This Christmas Story!!!!

First it was NHL Hockey. . . then Dan Akroyd and Michael J. Fox. . . how long until we have 51 Maple Leafs on our flag and the anthem for gay marriage in America becomes “God Save the Queens?”

It’s time for Americans to stop obsessing about our southern border and open their eyes to the insidious threat just across Niagra Falls. There lurks Canada. . . our alleged friends, aye?

While we ponder building a wall across southern Texas, Arizona and California and patrolling that border with M-1 tanks, our northern border is as porous as Sponge Bob Square Pants (he’s Canadian by the way).

So, how is it that the silent Canadian immigration plot and its “chilling” affect on our culture goes unnoticed? Subtlety, that’s how. If you keep smiling and insisting bacon is round, one day it will be!

You see, it all began with the injection of Arcadians into the Louisiana delta a few hundred years ago. That’s right. One big Canadian sleeper cell floated down the Mississippi to the bayou: their assignment?  To cause confusion to American dialects and ever-so-slowly destroy the our eco-balance in the deep south by eating the American crawfish into extinction. Once they’ve accomplished that goal (we are only a few years away), secret messages will be sent via Cajun and Zydeco music to the French Canadian population signalling them to overtake Vermont and claim it as an extension of Quebec. They immediately install Jerry Lewis as a comic deity. New laws will quickly eliminate American English and force children to only speak French or that painful New England accent like the Pepperidge Farm guy or Ted Kennedy. Each Sunday, enslaved Catamounts will be forced into Unitarian churches to watch films like “The Disorderly, Orderly” and reruns of Jerry Lewis “Labor Day” Telethons, followed by luncheons where snails and brie must be consumed in mass quantities.

So, while all you conservatives and conspiracists continue to overamp about our southern border – people who eat french fries with gravy are quietly infiltrating every fiber of our nation!!!

By the way, I’m not excusing the left from guilt. Michael Moore is a closet Canadian. And the left’s adoration of national healthcare and gun control is playing right into their Hoser little hands. Soon, we’ll be trading our rugged individualism for a free check up and a “hands up” for our hunting rifles.

And as if this were not enough, the Canadian government has now unleashed a far more evil plan: turning Americans into Canadians while they sleep. Like some demented tooth fairy, they now plan to offer citizenship for a mere 8 hours sleep. Don’t believe me? Watch this innocent looking PSA:

The truth can be shocking.  Right now there are nearly 800,000 Canadians living inside our borders – most of them in Arizona. Shockingly, while America’s toughest Sheriff, Joe Arpaio, forces drug dealers and Mexican immigrants to march around the desert in pink jumpsuits, Canadians secretly meet with Wayne Gretzky, drinking LaBatt’s Blue while planning to change the name of Phoenix to Re-Regina and Maricopa to Maritoba County. How will the people of Sun City live with The Phoenix Moose as a hockey team? Good luck, Mounty Arpaio.

Canadians continue to infiltrate our nation at a rate of 24,000 per year.  That means by July 1, 3367  -  2,500 years to the day from Canada’s birth  -  ALL Canadians will have moved south of the border into the U.S.A. You can set your clocks by this one, folks. We only have 1,358 years of liberty left.

Sure, skeptics point out that only 74,000 Canadians in the U.S. are illegal immigrants. But what if ALL of them are hockey players??? At the sound of a single whistle they could beat the puck out of innocent American citizens. Within a few hours there would be more toothless U.S. citizens than in the entire history West Virginia.

Time won’t allow me to address the Canadian deception called global warming (if you thought glaciers up north were melting because of American pollution, you need to take a look at Al Gore’s Canadian dollar holdings). Suffice to say Pamela Anderson did not enter her “enhanced” state for the sake of Hollywood. One mistake in the Canadian glacier melt plan and she will survive as her own personal floatation device.

Now, many Southern looking Hawks and soft-hearted liberals will point to Jim Carrey, Leslie Nielsen and Mike Meyers, telling me Canadians living in America are fun-loving and here to share their gift of humor. Well what about Neve Campbell’s phone throwing rage? And Howie Mandel’s refusal to shake hands with Americans? Did you really believe that “germaphobic” line? Howie will never shake hands with an American until every last one is ruled by Canada.

No matter how great a skeptic you are, just watch The Matrix again – only then will you understand why Keanu Reeves is called “The One.”

I could go on revealing how John Hopps invented the Blackberry to capture information about as many U.S. citizens as possible and share it with Ottawa. . . how every flight booked through William Shatner’s “Priceline” shilling provides U.S. dollars to the Canadian infiltration of America and how Joseph Armand-Bombardier invented the snowmobile to reduce the population of America each winter.

All I can hope is that each and every American will read and share this article.

Americans: wake up and smell the coffee. . . before it’s exclusively Tim Horton’s. . . and all the Starbucks are turned into re-education camps.