The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of New Year’s Resolutions

Ahh, the new year is upon us and it’s time for resolutions.

Mark Twain said: “. . .Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”‘

Not to disagree with Mr. Clemens, but I believe there are categories for new year’s resolutions: some attainable, some worth striving for; others just plain bad ideas. So, without further ado, here are my humble entries for the Good, the Bad and the Ugly of resolutions:

The Good resolutions:

* Attain World Peace

* Keep President Obama and his pen away from F.O.C.A.

* Lindsay Lohan dedicating her life to providing clear skin for all teenagers

* High School Musical 4 !

* Work together to cause Global Cooling

The Bad resolutions:

* Anything to do with dieting

* Pledge to write and speak only Latin
(especially those annoying “Laticons” in text messaging)

* Break up with any habit that’s always been there for you

* Support Paul Reuben’s comeback

* Bring back Pepsi Clear.

The Ugly resolutions:

* Start a write-in campaign to save Rosie O’Donnell’s variety show

* President Bush suspends habeas corpus and invokes Martian law (alien malprop intentional)

* ANYTHING to do with the Palestinians; even schwarma.

* Pledge to make meals with quail eggs and banana blossoms in coconut cream.

* Combine slang from the sixties and the nineties to create new phrases: “Far out, man. True dat.” or “What it do, groovy cat?”

This list merely forms the tip of the resolution iceberg. Please lend your insight and mirth to the list.

Share your good, bad or ugly resolutions in comments.

And In closing, the slate is blank, the year is new, may each of you know love, health, wisdom and may God bless you.


18 Responses to “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of New Year’s Resolutions”

  1. melai1022 Says:

    you make me think… but it makes sense

  2. christinabrook Says:

    Thanks for the thought-provoking and also humorous ring in to the new year. 🙂

  3. Love It!

    Laughed all through the reading…

    some great stuff here….good thinking material.

    Can’t wait for tomorrow…so I can break some of these damn resolutions….

    Peace…and Global Cooling…

    Lady Nyo

  4. sashievii Says:

    Thanks for the visit 🙂

    Good stuff man, I’ve been thinking about similar things (albeit without the humour) when I considered my own resolutions. Better ones realistically achievable than good ones beyond our reach.

    As a side note, Global Cooling is in fact a scientific phenomenon, and it’s just as disastrous as Global Warming.

    Sashie VII

  5. blueinthefaceangel Says:

    Well you made a list and list are made to be kinda carried out.But Pepsi Clear? I tried that stuff and I swear it tasted soooo bad my grandma was wondering what died in her mouth.. uggh.

  6. So true, Blue. That’s why Pepsi Clear belongs to the ages.

  7. Sashi – I hope you acheive all of yours in the new year. And the last time we had a serious global cooling we lost the dinosaurs!

  8. Nyo – break em with a smile on your face!

  9. PinkTiger Says:

    Oh, but I love the idea of combining slang from the 60s and the 90s. Can you provide some more examples? Please? Great stuff.

  10. Carpe Diem 😀
    Sorry! could not resist that!
    Wish you a very happy new year! Nice parting wish of knowing love, health, wisdom 🙂

  11. btw, have blog rolled you!

  12. trevorjct Says:

    Thanks for the comment and have to agree, bringing back Pepsi clear is such a bad resolution… luckily it isn’t sold in my neck of the woods… 🙂

  13. wow, world peace and global cooling! Nice! Not everyone can think of those.

  14. treeface40 Says:

    nice site and resolutions, i voted on the poll

  15. haha, nice ! 🙂 You have got some really achievable resos here… loved ‘global cooling’ !

  16. karlinanie Says:

    Hey, Thanks for the invite, this was worth reading. I got a very needed laugh out of it! K

  17. Excellent! I wasn’t even going to make a resolution – but I feel now I must… thanks! 🙂


  18. funny, funny stuff. i took the coward’s route and called my resolutions “hopes” instead. I fully support a paul reubens comeback. i sooo miss “pee wee’s playhouse”. great stuff!

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