The holidays can be extremely stressful. I hate trying to find the right gift for my family and friends. But bailing on my yule duty and giving a gift certificate doesn’t work either. I wouldn’t want to go in for a Doctor’s exam and be given a medical dictionary instead of a diagnosis.
But when I was flipping around TV the other night a moment of inspiration hit me; courtesy of Vinnie, with “Sham-Wow” (it’s made in Germany). I decided to give everyone on my list “exclusive TV offer” gifts. They’re unique, easy to order and come with a 30 day money-back guarantee.
Here are just a few I’ve already ordered to provide the people I love and appreciate a distinctive holiday surprise:
THE HANDYSWITCH: Why use ten fingers when one will do?
If someone you love is too lazy to use “The Clapper” this remote control light switch will turn EVERY light in a room on with the press of a button. Far less effort than clapping, enough light for a prison yard and a slightly more sedentary life.
THE FLAT FOLD COLANDER: Spaghetti in any environment!
Every been caught traveling with an overwhelming desire to make spaghetti and thought “I wish I had room to pack my colander.” Now there’s a foot tall colander that folds linguini-flat and features a battery operated spin mode: so you or someone you love can enjoy pasta on the road.”
YOGA BOOTY BALLET: Hindu Hip Hop Your Way to Sexy Healthiness.
This holiday season, everyone knows a special someone who is a fitness nut, but bores with the same old routine. Not to worry, Yoga Booty Ballet to the rescue. This DVD teaches you how to frenetically change between awkward dance steps and peaceful stretching while “shaking what your momma gave ya” in between. Who needs reincarnation, bling-bling or Swanlake when you can smash them all together in a 30 minute workout?
TATER MITTS: Rub your potatoes the “right” way!
How excited will your gift recipient be when they don these abrasive, blue rubber gloves and start to sensually massage their Idaho spuds? Within moments they’ll have peeled potatoes and a thousand little pieces of potato peelings scattered around the kitchen. WARNING: Don’t scratch any itch on your person unless you desire permanent ex-folliation.
DING KING: Amazing antiquing and stress-busting device.
Do you have a car, appliance or piece of furniture that just look “too new?” You can give that item character by simply striking it with the amazing Ding King. Hit it a few times for that “oops” look; hit it ruthlessly to create that “ancient artifact” look. This might be the one gift to give everyone on your list this year.
CHILLOW: The “coolest” way to snooze!
This Christmas, take away the burden of your loved one flipping their pillow over and give them the feeling their sleeping in a hammock with a tropical breeze. All you do is fill the Chillow with water, put it in the freezer for 2 hours, then get ready for a little rest and hypothermia.
THE NATURAL BRA: It’s bio-degradable!
The perfectly natural gift for your wife or girlfriend. Strap free and that natural look for any woman: simply mark your skin with the special pencil, apply the double-stick adhesive, cut the silicone forms to shape, glue them into the invisible wrap-around band and half-a-day later, you’re ready to go!
Please feel free to leave any gift ideas you have have in the comments section. And remember: “supplies are limited – order before midnight!”