What Brad Pitt, Will Smith, David Beckham and Me (in a Pantry) Have in Common

So Today was “Call in Gay” day.  Not sure that taking free time in protest and leaving others to do extra work is the way to change the point of view of your workmate.  Move (ing) On.

This isn’t going to be easy. Telling the truth seldom is. But here goes: I’m HAPPY.

I can hear the gasps of astonishment and shock cum anger already. I realize coming out about my HAPPY lifestyle is far from acceptable in our politically correct society. But frankly, I was tired of hiding the truth.  My wife has decided to come clean on living this lifestyle as well. She is also extremely HAPPY.

Our lifestyle choice seems to have fallen so far out of favor that it is nearly unacceptable in tolerant society. This has left us hiding our lifestyle in the pantry (the closet was taken).  It seems every time we tell others about our sexual orientation (“exclusive” sex between opposite genders), our fidelity (twenty-eight years), and our desire to remain life partners (good and bad, til death do us part), so many people roll their eyes and remark how our HAPPY lifestyle is so “nostalgic,” “quaint,” even archaic. Yeah, just like David and Victoria Beckham, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and Will and Jada Pinkett Smith . . . all of us incredibly renaissance in our sexual lifestyles.

Well, with all due respect to live-ins, one nighters, same sexers and every other fashionable lifestyler;  I will be silent no longer. Not only am I proud to be out and part of the HAPPY community, I want the world to know just how HAPPY I am. I’m thinking a few protest marches are in order. A legal defense organization: the AHLU, and an international organization: The HAPPY Liberation Movement.

Maybe some slogans for bumper stickers like:

“Married People Do It to Death.”

“Great Sex Comes From Happy People”

“Passion AND Procreation: whatta country!”

” I’m a Happy, Hetero Homosapien”

I’m feeling better already. My wife and I are so out of the closet that we’re  raising our children to be openly “HAPPY.”  My wife and I live our “HAPPY” lifestyle right in front of them and all the world. If our kids choose a “HAPPY” lifestyle, so be it. We’ll love them and support them all the way.

Who knows? Perhaps even Hollywood will take up our cause. The next thing you know, we’ll see major actors portraying marital fidelity in major motion pictures – blatant happiness in full color and dolby digital sound.

Maybe there will be a “Will and Grace” reunion where Jack falls for Grace and ends up walking the aisle with her (Hey! It could happen, if Hollywood writers were just a little more creative and open-minded). Or we might even see a wacky reality series on television about the romantic reward and emotional satisfaction of saving your virginity to share with your one, true love:  “Survivor”.

Calling all “HAPPY” people hiding their lifestyles in the pantry.

It’s time to come out. Start flaunting your commitment and satisfaction with the ones you love. Let the world know how HAPPY you really are!