How to find that “unforgettable” Christmas gift in sixty seconds!

The holidays can be extremely stressful. I hate trying to find the right gift for my family and friends. But bailing on my yule duty and giving a gift certificate doesn’t work either. I wouldn’t want to go in for a Doctor’s exam and be given a medical dictionary instead of a diagnosis.

But when I was flipping around TV the other night a moment of inspiration hit me; courtesy of Vinnie, with  “Sham-Wow” (it’s made in Germany). I decided to give everyone on my list “exclusive TV offer” gifts. They’re unique, easy to order and come with a 30 day money-back guarantee.

Here are just a few I’ve already ordered to provide the people I love and appreciate a distinctive holiday surprise:

THE HANDYSWITCH: Why use ten fingers when one will do?

If someone you love is too lazy to use “The Clapper” this remote control light switch will turn EVERY light in a room on with the press of a button. Far less effort than clapping, enough light for a prison yard and a slightly more sedentary life.

THE FLAT FOLD COLANDER: Spaghetti in any environment!

Every been caught traveling with an overwhelming desire to make spaghetti and thought “I wish I had room to pack my colander.” Now there’s a foot tall colander that folds linguini-flat and features a battery operated spin mode: so you or someone you love can enjoy pasta on the road.”

YOGA BOOTY BALLET: Hindu Hip Hop Your Way to Sexy Healthiness.

This holiday season, everyone knows a special someone who is a fitness nut, but bores with the same old routine. Not to worry, Yoga Booty Ballet to the rescue. This DVD teaches you how to frenetically change between awkward dance steps and peaceful stretching while “shaking what your momma gave ya” in between.  Who needs reincarnation, bling-bling or Swanlake when you can smash them all together in a 30 minute workout?

TATER MITTS: Rub your potatoes the “right” way!

How excited will your gift recipient be when they don these abrasive, blue rubber gloves and start to sensually massage their Idaho spuds? Within moments they’ll have peeled potatoes and a thousand little pieces of potato peelings scattered around the kitchen. WARNING: Don’t scratch any itch on your person unless you desire permanent ex-folliation.

DING KING: Amazing antiquing and stress-busting device.

Do you have a car, appliance or piece of furniture that just look “too new?”  You can give that item character by simply striking it with the amazing Ding King. Hit it a few times for that “oops” look; hit it ruthlessly to create that “ancient artifact” look. This might be the one gift to give everyone on your list this year.

CHILLOW: The “coolest” way to snooze!

This Christmas, take away the burden of your loved one flipping their pillow over and give them the feeling their sleeping in a hammock with a tropical breeze.  All you do is fill the Chillow with water, put it in the freezer for 2 hours, then get ready for a little rest and hypothermia.

THE NATURAL BRA: It’s bio-degradable!

The perfectly natural gift for your wife or girlfriend.  Strap free and that natural look for any woman: simply mark your skin with the special pencil, apply the double-stick adhesive, cut the silicone forms to shape, glue them into the invisible wrap-around band and half-a-day later, you’re ready to go!

Please feel free to leave any gift ideas you have have in the comments section. And remember: “supplies are limited – order before midnight!”

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22 Responses to “How to find that “unforgettable” Christmas gift in sixty seconds!”

  1. Hi friend–

    You have a very interesting sense of humor which I find delightful proving something–I am just not sure what…:)

  2. Butch, my humor simply denotes my amazement that these are “real” products offered to us by the magic that is television. I don’t make em, I simply note what is available to us this holiday season for only $19.95. Hope to see you again soon.

  3. But wait there’s more! That’s right, you left out so many great gift options, like Mighty Mendit brought to TV Land by Billy Mays — now for just $11.95 (but if you order right now we’ll double the offer) you get a tube of glue to repair the seams you ripped out when bending over after Thanksgiving dinner!

    Great stuff Andrew!

  4. Joe, anything Billy Mays promotes is welcome in my gift array ! When Billy shouts over the airwaves he makes me believe my pants can be put back together.

  5. I know I’ve had to leave my colander behind on so many occasions. Looks like those days are over. Thanks Mr. Andy!

  6. What’s that AMAZING glue Billy Mays has been hyping lately, the stuff that can withstand storm force winds? Imagine the possibilities!

  7. Hey don’t forget the snuggie its a blanket with sleeves!

  8. What about P90X? You can fool some of your muscles all the time and all your muscles some of the time, but you can’t fool all of your muscles all of the time.

  9. You failed to mention the fabulous Revco “Oxygen Deprivation Tank”…useful for training astronauts, network correspondents, auto executives, Sooner fans, and politicians.

    Cash only, please.

  10. Holly i was totally about to leave a comment about snuggie! Great minds think alike 🙂

  11. Andy, i know of a store you will totally LOVE:). it is the as seen on TV store at potomac mills. also available on line. It seems that even your only available on tv offers are not only available on tv!!! who knew! Now you can get your electric rotisserie grill or one touch can opener anywhere wireless is available!!! http://www.sears.com/shc/s/c_10153_12605_For+the+Home_Small+Kitchen+Appliances?sbf=Brand&sbv=As+Seen+On+TV&sLevel=1&sid=I0084400010000100600&aff=Y == too is that it appears that sears is the owner of all things tv usging by the url … too funny!!!

  12. Kelly:
    The convenience of as seen on TV products at the local mall. . .
    maybe I can see Billy Mays or the Sham-wow guy in person!!!!!

  13. thedomesticfringe Says:

    Ha, ha! Great idea. I’ll have to add the Yoga Booty Ballet to my wish list! Thanks for visiting the domestic fringe. Hope you come again!
    -FringeGirl

  14. I still want a Chia Pet.

  15. anniewilson Says:

    I love it!

    Also, I did the post you requested, just for you!

    http://mywordandwelcometoit.wordpress.com/2008/12/20/last-minute-gifts-beware/

    : ) : ) : )

  16. Great list you have going here…It’s hard to imagine what they will think of next!

  17. very funny. thanks for checking out my blog!

  18. Perhaps the colander can double as a bra with extra support should the biodegradable version fail to uphold its duties.

  19. I’ve used the Dink King on my car and the results are fantastic! Seriously though, I’d love to hear Billy Mays read this entire blog… good stuff.

  20. Yeah, of course I meant Ding King. I used the Dink King on something else, but the results were not so fantastic.

  21. Tater Mitts… why didn’t I think of that?

  22. With havin so much content do you ever run into any issues of
    plagorism or copyright violation? My site has a lot of completely unique content I’ve either created myself or outsourced but it seems a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without my authorization. Do you know any methods to help reduce content from being ripped off? I’d
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